To the Esteemed Innkeeper of the Finest Beverages Tavern,
I write to you today not as a warrior, nor mage, nor humble tamer of wild beasts, but as a prisoner—a man besieged not by brigands or liches, but by your staff. And your regulars. And whoever that gentleman is who's been standing motionless in the doorway since the Harvest Festival of '23.
Each morn, I rise from my rented bed with dreams of adventure—only to be thwarted by a wall of NPCs who appear to have made a solemn vow never to shuffle slightly to the left. I attempted to reason with them. I offered gold. I even tried casting Magic Lock on my own temper.
Sir, I drank a refresh potion just to leave your establishment. That is an alchemical remedy designed for battle, not brunch.
I implore you: install a second exit. Train your employees in spatial awareness. Or, at the very least, post a sign that reads "Caution: Egress May Be Philosophically Impossible."
I remain, begrudgingly,
Sir Frandall the Perpetually Stuck
Current guest, against my will
Room 3B (lovely view, thank you)
To Sir Frandall the Perpetually Stuck,
Warmest greetings from the management of the Finest Beverages Tavern, and thank you ever so much for your recent letter. It brought a tear to my eye—though whether from laughter, frustration, or a mild allergic reaction to your perfume is still under investigation.
First, allow me to apologize on behalf of our staff, patrons, and the ancient spirit of the tavern itself for the audacious presence of other beings in a public space. We do understand that being gently inconvenienced on your way out the door can be nearly as traumatic as, say, being disemboweled by an elder wyrm, and we take these matters with an appropriate level of exaggerated solemnity.
Please rest assured:
In the meantime, may I recommend the following solutions:
We do value your stay at the Finest Beverages, and hope you continue to choose us for all your sleeping-in-town-and-getting-mildly-stuck needs.
With unwavering indifference,
Innkeeper Thaldrin Brewnose
Proprietor, Tavern Philosopher (Level 2), Part-time Counselor for the Spatially Confined
