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http://harald.ist.org/neu/zeugs/REALPROG.TXT

- Real programmers don't write specs.  Users should consider
  themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.

- Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to
  write, it should be hard to read.

- Real programmers don't write application programs, they program
  right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs
  who can't do systems programming.

- Real programmers don't eat quiche.  Real programmers don't even
  know how to spell quiche.  They eat Twinkies, Coke and
  palate-scorching Szechwan food.

- Real programmers don't draw flowcharts.  Flowcharts are, after all,
  the illiterate's form of documentation.  Cavemen drew flowcharts;
  look how much it did for them.

- Real programmers don't read manuals.  Reliance on a reference is a
  hallmark of the novice and the coward.

- Real programmers programs never work right the first time.
  But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched
  into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions.

- Real programmers don't use Fortran.  Fortran is for wimpy engineers
  who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography
  weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear
  reactor simulation.

- Real programmers don't use COBOL.  COBOL is for wimpy application
  programmers.

- Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers
  are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night.

- Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers
  write in BASIC, after the age of 12.

- Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps
  who can't read the listings or the object deck.

- Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or
  any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing
  is for people with weak memories.

- Real programmers know better than the users what they need.

- Real programmers think structured programming is a communist
  plot.

- Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's
  toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager in suspense.

- Real programmers think better when playing adventure.

- Real programmers don't use PL/I.  PL/I is for insecure momma's boys
  who can't choose between COBOL and Fortran.

- Real programmers don't use APL, unless the whole program can be
  written on one line.

- Real programmers don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use
  more parentheses than actual code.

- Real programmers disdain structured programming. Structured
  programming is for compulsive, prematurely toilet-trained neurotics
  who wear neckties and carefully line up sharpened pencils on an
  otherwise uncluttered desk.

- Real programmers don't like the team programming concept.  Unless,
  of course, they are the Chief Programmer.

- Real programmers have no use for managers.  Managers are a
  necessary evil. Managers are for dealing with personnel bozos,
  bean counters, senior planners and other mental defectives.

- Real programmers scorn floating point arithmetic. The decimal point
  was invented for pansy bedwetters who are unable to "think big."

- Real programmers don't drive clapped-out Mavericks. They prefer
  BMWs, Lincolns or pick-up trucks with floor shifts. Fast
  motorcycles are highly regarded.

- Real programmers don't believe in schedules. Planners make up
  schedules. Managers "firm up" schedules. Frightened coders strive
  to meet schedules. Real programmers ignore schedules.

- Real programmers like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the
  microwave oven. Real programmers use the heat given off by the cpu.
  They can tell what job is running just by listening to the rate of
  popping.

- Real programmers know every nuance of every instruction and use
  them all in every real program. Puppy architects won't allow
  execute instructions to address another execute as the target
  instruction.  Real programmers despise such petty restrictions.

- Real programmers don't bring brown bag lunches to work. If the
  vending machine sells it, they eat it.  If the vending machine
  doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
  quiche.


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